


Silent Night

by OuzoAthena11



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Character Study, Christmas Fluff, Gift Exchange, Healing, I hate tagging, I never know how to tag anything, Mistletoe, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Surprises, Team has a very small role
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 04:31:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17114513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OuzoAthena11/pseuds/OuzoAthena11
Summary: Bucky turned himself into Tony not long after the events of Winter Soldier. He then proceeded to be a ghost in the tower, hiding out and avoiding everyone. Until one night...





	Silent Night

**Author's Note:**

> For Captain Handsome's gift exchange. First time I've done this so hopefully I got it right. I did have fun writing it, especially since I haven't tried writing many pairings ever... And those were all heterosexual. So hopefully I did well with a that too...  
> On the plus side, my husband did actually laugh at something that was meant to be funny so I guess I did something right.

It was 2am in Avengers Tower- the perfect time for wandering around. Everyone was in bed, but those who slept little or had nightmares weren't up yet. Especially since one super soldier did not want most of those living there aware that he was living there as well. He padded through the halls, stepping so softly no one would hear them if they were around to do so, enjoying the solitude as he entered the kitchen to grab some food. It was as he was carefully heating up some left over pasta (there was always enough leftovers for him somehow) that a noise grabbed his attention. He frowned. No one should be up at this time, and the AI that oversaw everything usually left him alone.

 

He took the pasta once it was heated along with a fork. Then he started following the sound, eventually placing it as a piano. Music. He had been unaware that there was a piano in the building at all, but he had only been in the building for a few weeks, with limited time for exploring if he wanted to avoid those who lived there. It did not take him long to find the correct room, though he had never been there before. In fact he had not been in this part of the floor yet. He preferred to explore thoroughly before moving on, and he had no reason to be in that section of floor yet.

 

But here he was. He stood outside the door of the room, hesitating. Would he be welcome? Did he want to risk getting caught out by someone? He reached out tentatively and pushed the unlatched door open, just enough to see. And... It was Stark. He stared as the genius started singing along softly with the melody he was playing. Almost without truly thinking about it, he walked into the room. The door was shut behind him, softly. He barely even noticed his automatic action as he watched the most mesmerizing thing he'd ever seen.

 

Bucky let his mind wander as he settled into a chair. It was near a corner where he could see everything. This was the first time he'd seen Stark-Tony, since he turned up. That day had been rough for the super soldier. He had come to his wits end about what to do with his scattered memories, the vague memories of the... missions he completed, and his spotty knowledge of how to survive in the twenty first century.

 

So he did the only thing he could do: Surrendered. He went to Avengers Tower, expecting to be arrested, or worse, once he hesitatingly revealed the memory of killing Howard and Maria Stark. Stark had gone pale, furious. But instead of taking it out on the problem right in front of him, he punched the wall, took a few deep breaths at his AI's insistence, then calmly turned to Bucky.

 

“You don't remember much do you? Steve mentioned that. Hydra must've been very thorough if even my father couldn't stop you.”

 

The former assassin just nodded numbly.

 

“Well, then I can't blame you for what you did. I'm glad you told me. Come on and let's find you a room. Do you want to be near Steve?”  
  
“W-what? You're not going to arrest me?”

 

“Brainwashed POW, I'm going to get my lawyers on your case. And if you want to see some therapists or whatever that'll help your case too. Now room near Steve, yes or no?”

 

“I... I don't want him to know yet... I... I don't want anyone to know... I... everything is so scattered right now,” Bucky explained slowly, having trouble formulating his thoughts.

 

“That's fair. We'll get you set up in a room nowhere near anyone, and Jarvis will assist you in anything you need.”

 

Everything happened in a whirlwind of memory after that. And Bucky could not shake the nagging feeling that the world was missing something about Stark. After all, the man had every right to have him arrested and killed. But he didn't. He chose to shelter him, help him with his memories.

 

So naturally in between set lessons on the twenty first century and history he'd missed directed by Jarvis, he tried to do some research on Tony Stark. It was... very confusing. Nothing in his research indicated the man would be willing to do what he did, yet the genius did so. Nothing indicated that the man had a secret talent for playing the piano and singing, and yet, Bucky was watching the billionaire play and sing. He could probably do so for hours.

 

The super soldier took a deep breath and decided on a different approach. So who is Tony Stark really? Well, clearly he could be reasonable and logical even in the face of emotional upheaval. He played piano, and could sing.

 

Many places Bucky had looked claimed Tony Stark was a narcissist. But the classic signs just weren't there. Tony didn't always talk about himself in interviews. He donated a lot of money to charities. He had played a huge part in cleaning up New York after that invasion, and had dedicated a lot of time to helping clean up the mess from the helicarriers. Stark didn't try to direct attention onto him all the time. Only if he felt like people weren't listening, which admittedly was a lot of the time. But he didn't usually try to keep it there once he got his point(s) across.

 

The tabloids claimed that Tony Stark is a playboy. Not even past tense despite the fact that the man had only dated one person since 2008, and hadn't actually been caught with anyone in that time since. Not even after their break up. Not to mention, Bucky found it suspicious that some of the photos from the really old ones looked remarkably similar to other photos, as if it were edited just to give a headline. If that were the case, it was possible that the 'playboy' hadn't actually been to as many parties as the tabloids claimed.

 

Few websites actually praised the man for his genius, despite the fact that it was him that sent Stark Industries to new heights. Despite the fact that he went to college when he was thirteen. His weapons were sheer genius and left many countries terrified of the United States. He created functioning AI. Tony Stark's genius was underappreciated, and the more Bucky looked, the more he just wanted to compile a list and post it everywhere on the internet he could.

 

A lot of people liked to claim that as a billionaire, Stark was exploiting his workers to make the money. Yet, in every country Stark Industries was in, it was one of the best labor jobs that could be found. There were great benefits. Bucky even found stories about how it was one of the best places to work for college students if they could find work at their level. Not to mention the internships. So, Stark was not 'exploiting' people, and Bucky was pretty sure he earned every cent of the money he received. Myriad patents to his name, hours upon hours spent in the lab... It'd be more of a crime if he didn't earn that much. And even better, his decision to name Pepper Potts CEO drove Stark Industries so beyond it's competitors its laughable.

 

Bucky sighed as he continued watching the show Tony was unknowingly giving him. All that analysis of the genius was just based off of the research he'd done since he arrived at the tower. It's not like he didn't spend time learningabout current events and pop culture. Jarvis ensured he was up to date on the more universal ones, but he did spend most of his time researching the enigma that is Tony Stark.

 

Why did he do that? Because the Winter Soldier had memorized Hydra's file on Tony Stark. Every time they unthawed him, Tony was marked to be recruited or captured, despite being so dangerous. He always got updated files on all people of concern and Tony had been one since he graduated from high school. If Tony had been in the car with his parents, he was to kidnap the then teenager.

 

Those files said more about Tony than anything the media believed. About just how scarily intelligent he was. The man wasn't even the smartest person in the world. His IQ was a little too low for that, but he learned anything far quicker than even other geniuses regardless of subject. If he really wanted to, he could probably even learn the nuances in literature, though Tony did not seem inclined. His ability to learn quickly put him on par with experts of the field in mere days if he devoted all his time to reading about it. Which allowed him to keep up with many recent developments in several fields and offer suggestions.

 

Obviously Hydra salivated at the thought of getting a hold of his brain and having him on their projects. They also found his personality to be an interesting study. While they never delved too deeply, they did discover that Tony's home life wasn't the best. And they also theorized that his public persona was just that, a persona, and that he wasn't actually like that. They'd also taken note that his tendency to spend wasn't an arrogance or showing off thing, but something he did because he could do it when no one else could, especially when it came to his friends.

 

There was more to his file than that of course, but that wasn't very relevant right now. Bucky found that Hydra was disturbingly accurate in their files, even if they weren't completely thorough. Far more accurate than the personality assessment for the Avengers, that seemed like a joke the more Bucky considered it. Not to mention the date it was done seemed suspect. That was when Tony had been acting out around the time of the Expo. His actions then seemed way out of character for the person he'd become after Afghanistan, and right after the Expo that behavior stopped.

 

So while Bucky could see getting that assessment, it was done while Tony was going through some sort of break down, so it was poorly timed as it didn't apply to him after. Of course all this was without ever talking to the man more than the one time, thanks to the power of observation.

 

The assassin blinked when he realized that the music had stopped while he was lost in thought. And Tony was staring right at him. Oops.

 

“Um, hi?” Bucky offered quietly. “That was some good music, I enjoyed it.”

 

“What, you're not surprised?” Tony shot back defensively, shoulders hunched and tense.

 

The other man gave him a bemused look. “What you do is your business. I've barely even seen you since I arrived. I can't say I know you well enough to be surprised. Just because there's a lot of information about you on the internet doesn't mean it's all accurate or anything.”

 

“Wait, seriously? Well that'd be a first. Anyone who doesn't know me assumes that I wouldn't have the patience or the time for playing piano.”

 

He was rewarded with a half shrug. “Well, it doesn't take much research to realize you're not like your public mask, or even that that mask exists in the first place. And well... Hydra kept their eye on you, they gave the Winter Soldier frequent updates to your file. They knew you had lessons, so I did have that knowledge. Which didn't mean you still played, though.”

 

“I... Huh. Well that makes you unique. Pretty sure none of the others have even noticed me playing. Even got a complaint about there being a music room in the first place.”

 

“That's stupid... I'd love to learn to play an instrument. I never had the chance before...” He wandered over to where some stringed instruments were resting, running careful hands over the strings.

 

“Well, I can teach you the piano, and some viola, but you're on your own for anything else, though I'm sure Jay could help you find some tutorials, right Jay?”

  
“Of course sir, if that is Mr. Barnes' desire.”

 

“I wouldn't mind any of that...” Bucky smiled wistfully at the instruments before turning to the genius. “I know you have an erratic schedule, but I have pretty much nothing to do so you could just tell me when you want to teach me. You probably need to get to bed now, huh? It's pretty late.”

 

“Well, yeah, it's a bit late, but that's why this is the perfect the time to play. No one around to judge me. Except you apparently. Not that you actually judged me or anything. Which is weird. You're weird. I think Hydra may have messed with your brain too many times.” Tony grimaced as his brain caught up to his mouth and he realized what he said.

  
The other just laughed. “Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I just have a more unique perspective after everything. After all, I don't even have all my memories. I remember all my missions, and the files, but I don't remember the in between bits with the wipes.”

 

“Oh, that does make sense. Well, I still have like half an hour before the caffeine starts leaving my system, so do you want to start right now?”

 

“Really?” Bucky brightened, smiling brightly. Tony had to keep himself from staring at how much that joy changed the former Winter Soldier's expression. “I'd love that... Let's start with the piano, that sounds more complicated.”

 

The genius slid to the side and let Bucky sit down before starting in on the lessons.

 

.

 

They fell into a routine for a few weeks; Tony would let him know when he was available, and then Bucky would join him for a piano lessons. The former soldier spent a lot of time learning how to read music outside of those lessons. That way Tony only had to teach him finger movements instead of having to pause to remind him of what notes were what.

 

The two of them also found themselves discussing other things occasionally, usually lighter things like opinions of movies. Or sometimes anything new that the former assassin had missed. It was three weeks later that they had any conversation that was substantial.

 

“So, uh, how are you adjusting? I noticed that you haven't let anyone know you're here,” Tony asked awkwardly as they were winding down on a lesson earlier in the night than usual. It was a combination of the fact that some of the Avengers weren't actually around, and the rest went to bed a little earlier than usual.

 

“And you haven't enlightened them either,” Bucky retorted quickly, then sighed. He allowed his hands to hit multiple keys to create a discordant sound before he spoke. “I think I'm adjusting alrigh' as far as I can tell. I'm just not sure I want Stevie to know I'm here. And I don't know if I can trust anyone to say nothing to him if I reveal myself.”

 

“And why don't you want Capsicle to know?”

 

The other man let out a snort at the nickname. “Because he's expecting Bucky, his best friend. I'm not that anymore. I've been through too much. I even considered not going by Bucky anymore, but I don't like James, or Jimmy so I guess I'm stuck with Bucky.”

 

“You as a James? Yeah, that doesn't really seem like you.”

 

“Now it doesn't at least, for a while I wasn't sure. There was too many memories of the soldiers, too much programming to shake off, and I don't know if the programming will ever go away. At least I don't feel split in two anymore.”

 

“You know... there are people that specialize in helping people who have PTSD and other issues similar to yours, even if no one can match your experiences in anyway. I could do some research, narrow down some specialists, and let you make the decision.”

 

“...Do I hafta make the decision? Decisions with too many choices... they're hard. Like, one or the other, that's kind of easy. Add in more, and it gets harder. Like if I need to decide what to eat and I have infinite choices, I can't do that, not yet.”

 

“All the more reason to get help. How about I narrow it down how I planned, and then you do your own research on psychology and therapy, and write up a list of personal requirements and I use that to narrow it down further, hopefully down to less than five, maybe even two or three.”

 

“I... that can work. Um, Jarvis? Can you compile a list of places I should look to know what psychology and therapy even are?”

  
“Certainly.”  
  
“Well, you certainly have no trouble with my AI. You're way ahead of Capsicle and the others that way,” Tony teased lightly. “They still like to pretend he doesn't exist.”

 

“But he's so useful!”

 

“That's what I try to tell them. They don't agree. Apparently he's creepy, and whatever.” The engineer waved his hand dismissively.

 

“Creepy? He's a person, even if artificially created.”

 

“You know...? You're the first person who's actually noticed aside from the people I'm really close to.”

 

“Seriously? It's so obvious. You can't just code humor the way he does. And he acts like a human in many ways. And he even lies sometimes, if he wants to, but he doesn't usually want to.”

  
“Yeah, I think that's what makes him 'creepy' to the others.”

 

“Well it ain't fair to him or you.”

 

“I'm glad you think so.” They shared a smile.

 

.

 

It was only a week later that Tony realized that Bucky had never truly answered his question about telling anyone else. He wondered if the man was getting lonely at all, skulking around late at night, avoiding everyone. That was why he made sure he spent a lot of time making sure he did that research he promised, searching for someone that could help Bucky- and maybe be on retainer for any of the Avengers who needed help. But primarily, this was for Bucky, who deserved to get his head on straight after everything he'd been through.

 

As he searched, he was constantly thinking about what he knew of Bucky. He was of course looking for someone who would be discreet and wouldn't break patient confidentiality regardless of who they were treating. Someone willing to be on call in case of incidents and nightmares. Someone who had experience in dealing with PTSD, prisoners of war, and some sort of experience with brainwashing as well.

 

And the 'patient' in question, probably needed someone who wouldn't push too hard. Someone who would help him get better, but know when to back off before he could lose it. But he was also going to leave the requirements up to Bucky, it was supposed to be his decision. It was just some thoughts rattling at the back of his mind as he narrowed down the list to ten.

 

He sent off a note to Bucky's new phone that he had the list down and would like to add Bucky's requirements. Then he moved onto a new project, trying to put the thoughts of the man out of his head. He had surprisingly grown attached to him just from giving him music lessons. Bucky was always willing to learn something new. If he was given a 'homework' assignment, it'd be done before the next time they met, even if that was just the next day. He worked hard at learning the piano and seemed to enjoy it even if the fingers on his metal arm didn't always want to work.

 

That was why Tony's new project was creating Bucky a new arm. So that his new friend could experience all the joys of having an arm that worked and caused no pain at all. And stop being so frustrated when his fingers stumbled over notes. It was because of that they had ended up putting off him learning guitar, viola, or any other instrument besides drums. They all required too much fancy movement for that metal arm.

 

He was startled out of his plans for the prosthetic by Bucky actually entering the workshop. He did not have time to hide his plans but opted to act casual and pretend to not notice that the other man had entered. He noted that the other was fidgety.

 

“Um, I have some requirements... and uh, I thought it'd be easiest if I came to talk to you in person about them.”

 

“That's fine. It's good to see you broaden your horizons and sneak around during the day instead of just at night,” Tony responded casually, not wanting to spook him. It was a good sign that he had come down himself. No matter how unexpected. “Now, what did you want for the requirements?” He pulled up another screen so he could write them down.

 

“I was thinking... someone who's open minded, and will actually listen to me... I've... done some research and there seems to be a disturbing tendency for therapists and other people in psychology to disregard what people are telling them because they have a narrow view and think that there's a deeper meaning and ignoring the surface. I don't want to deal with that. I'd also like someone who's handled some difficult cases before, especially regarding prisoners of war. And... if they could also be someone who's not involved in the government that'd be great.” The former assassin rubbed the back of his neck. “And... maybe someone who can be patient and can explain things to me if I need it? I think that covers it...”  
  


“Alright, got it. Give me a moment to add the criteria to the search.” He did so. He was relieved Bucky had added a couple of requirements that would further narrow it down instead of giving the same ones Tony had already added in. “And... that brings it down to three. I'll send the files to your phone to look over. Let me know if you want help.”

 

“I can do that.” And then Bucky let himself actually look around the workshop. His eyes lit up in wonder as he started poking at the futuristic machines and tools he'd never seen before, especially the holographs.

 

“Yeah, go ahead and stick around,” Tony waved a hand. “I'm going to get back to work, I had an idea for an expansion the company could do if I can make it work.”

 

“Cool,” the other man grinned widely like a little kid as he explored the workshop.

 

There was some excitement when he met DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers. It didn't take long for him to start playing with them. Eventually, it was Bucky's laughter and the excited beeps of the 'bots that drew the genius' attention from his work, at least an hour later.

 

He stared. Bucky was covered in the foam from a fire extinguisher, and he was laughing. This was the first time Tony had witnessed him laughing in all the time they interacted. Sure he expressed amusement, but never full on laughter like this. It... totally transformed his face. The genius was fascinated, and let himself be lost in the memories of his impressions of the former assassin.

 

Of course, he'd heard whispers of the Winter Soldier before. He wasn't part of an intelligence community, but his position within Stark Industries and with politicians made it easy to hear the rumors. At one point he'd put in some research and wasn't sure how to feel about the indications that the same person performed multiple assassinations spanning more than forty years.

 

And then, after the disaster that was SHIELD's fall, he heard from Steve that the Winter Soldier was real. And of course it had to be his best friend, Bucky Barnes, whom history remembered fondly. Steve had told him just enough that he got the idea that Bucky had been brainwashed and had little to no memories outside of being the Winter Soldier. So he did some digging to find those files. He put those with the ones that were isolated to keep the general public from finding out their contents. He briefly looked over them, just to have an idea of what was going on there, and moved on.

 

That hadn't prepared him for the former Winter Soldier turning up and turning himself in to be arrested. Which, what? Who would want to persecute someone that messed up before they got their head straight. He was, on the other hand, very pleased that Bucky had told him the truth about his parents death, even if he did not handle it well at the time. He was glad to be told, because later on, he went through the Winter Soldier files in detail, and found a certain video. If he hadn't been warned, he would've handled that so much worse.

 

It was obvious just how lost Bucky was when he turned up. He was completely bewildered by the turn of events that led to him being a resident of the Tower. And then he became a ghost. The only reason his host knew he was still there was the fairly constant updates from Jarvis, letting him know the former assassin was still alive.

 

Then the music lessons happened. Tony felt privileged to be the one watching the Winter Soldier start his recovery properly. To be teaching him. To watch him come out of his shell, little by little. It was... simply amazing to be a part of that.

 

And now, Bucky was actually laughing, despite one of his 'bots having covered him in foam. He gave chase to DUM-E, still laughing with a wild sort of joy on his face. Tony shook his head in amusement as they played around. He tried to focus on his work, but he found his mind wandering back to what he knew of Bucky, and what he'd learned.

 

Most of the time, Bucky was close mouthed about what he'd been through, just with off-handed comments that really jolted Tony. Those comments spoke of the reality of what Bucky had faced instead of just being an imaginary thing the genius had found in his search of Hydra records. Not that it was imaginary, it was just... not real to him, reading the clinical statement of what they did to Bucky. But then he'd make a comment, and it'd just surprise Tony by how casual he was treating it.

 

Then he realized with chagrin that he did the same. No wonder Rhodey and Pepper and Happy all would get exasperated with him about his experiences. He'd never actually realized it, but he always avoided saying anything substantial. And eventually throw out one liners about the experience without going into it. Huh.

 

Tony wanted to know more about Bucky. The man seemed to be finding himself, finally. Watching a lot of children's movies, and slowly working his way through movies that had won the Oscars, along with recommendations. Star Wars and Star Trek definitely included. He tried watching different TV shows, but couldn't seem to figure out what he liked there. He was even trying new food.

 

The only caveat was that he couldn't have too many choices for any of them. So he'd take the list and have Jarvis narrow them down. Or he'd watch movies, like the Disney movies, in the order they came out. He had yet to discover the joys of video games, though he had started browsing Youtube for videos.

 

How Tony knew this, he wouldn't admit to everyone, but he liked to have Jarvis let him know what Bucky was up to, or at least give him a summary. That way he could at least give recommendations of new things to try. He was planning on introducing Bucky to video games soon, though he wasn't sure if he should start with the newest, or the older classics.

 

So, instead of work, he started making a comparison list. He was trying to weigh the classics versus the newer stuff. And he was trying to keep in mind that Bucky had yet to play a single video game. He hadn't even played a computer game yet. Any game would probably be received with wonder, to be fair, so it wasn't necessarily like Tony had to figure out how best present gaming. He continued that while the game of chase wound down and Bucky went to rinse off. It was at that point that he remembered that Bucky probably wouldn't be able to play the games well without a new arm.

 

He saved the notes and research he'd started to once again focus on building the arm.

 

“Hey J?” he spoke idly. “Let Buckaroo know that if he wants to watch a movie or anything down here, I'm cool with that. I might have to be working, but sometimes movies are better with company.”

 

“Of course, sir.”

 

.

 

Of course, that lead to the two of them practically having sleepovers in the lab, depending on who was around and likely to walk in on them. Which was no one, usually. Those were fun. Especially once they started adding popcorn and take out to watching the movies.

  
Bucky did pick out a therapist from the remaining ones, and started seeing him once the therapist was vetted thoroughly and signed the NDAs and other necessary paperwork. They had a room set aside on the R&D floor of the tower. It was almost empty already because it was hardly used by anyone on that floor. And those employees tended to be so absorbed in their work they didn't notice anyone on their floor who shouldn't be. Tony had experimented. Even parading all of the Avengers down the hallway did not gain any attention.

 

The sessions went well, once Bucky actually started opening up. Thankfully his therapist, thanks to previous experience, got him talking about the things that he liked. Which led to comparisons of what Bucky remembered from growing up. Then to Steve and growing up in general. Which in turn brought the conversation around to his experiences in WWII. Eventually, he talked some about his time with Hydra and how they tried to make him the perfect soldier. He never went into detail, but it was enough. There was already a lot of progress made with his anxiety.

 

It took another few weeks between his other projects, but Tony eventually finished designing the new arm. It was at that point he realized he should actually talk to Bucky about it before fabricating it. Because maybe Bucky didn't actually want a new arm

 

“You designed an arm? Really? What does it look like?” Bucky asked eagerly with wide eyes.

 

Tony blinked in surprise and flipped the designs around to show him. “I haven't fabricated it yet. You have your choice of colors and designs.”

 

“What is this?” Bucky pointed. Tony leaned over to look and explained it, eventually going through and explaining just about everything.

 

“Okay, I think I want it still be metal, but with the Avengers symbol in the place of the star that's on this arm. Also red.”

 

“Alright. Wait, does that mean you're thinking about telling them?”

 

“Well... If I want to be an Avenger or at least help out sometimes they kind of need to know... I'm not sure how I want to tell them though. I mean, how do you tell them that you've been living in the same space as them for months, but avoiding them?”

 

“Good question. But I think I have an idea. It's nearly Christmas, we can surprise them then,” Tony suggested.

 

“We?”  
  


“Well they're going to be mad at me for keeping this secret, so I might as well help you tell them in the best way possible,” Tony shrugged. “Though I'm going to miss the arguments between Thor, Clint, and Steve over who had the last whatever food it is this time, when every time it was you.”

 

“Jarvis has shown me some of them,” Bucky admitted, chuckling at the memories. “It's pretty funny.”

 

“Exactly. So, now what will be the best way to present you at Christmas...”

 

“I could be your gift to Steve, one recovering former best friend?” Bucky suggested.

 

“If you think you're up to that, don't forget Steve's been living in the past just a bit too much.”

 

“Eh, I think I can handle that. If he handles it badly, that's on him, and we'll offer my therapist for him. Or find him another one.” Bucky shrugged. “Besides, either way I have to deal with him living in the past. Why not go all out?”

 

“Then how best to gift wrap the present...” Tony mused. “I know the team is planning a gift exchange on Christmas morning. Not sure why Clint's still going to be around, he usually misses out the holidays, probably has a family secreted away or something. He missed Thanksgiving last year and this year, and apparently he missed Christmas last year too. Anyways... I don't think they expect me to be there even though I do make an effort to be at those sorts of things unless something is going on. Jay has standing orders to shut the workshop down at five the night before so that I for sure make it to whatever is planned, and I never go into the workshop on Christmas day.”

 

“Okay, so gift exchange?” Bucky prompted, well used to Tony's tendency to ramble on and on about unrelated topics.

 

“Oh, right. Gift exchange. So I'm thinking we have you sit in a chair with some snacks and a blanket and basically everything you need to wait the night before while no one is around. Then I'll tape pieces of cardboard around it and wrap it, making sure to leave air holes for you to breathe. Steve is going to be so surprised that he's not getting a monstrosity of a stuffed animal, Pepper warned them,” he added, half annoyed.

 

“...Pepper warned them? You've done that before?”

 

“Yeah, I have. It was a monumentally stupid decision, but in my defense I was dealing with PTSD and not handling it well at all and neither was she. I went overboard with something I thought she'd like, since she does like stuffed animals and bunnies in particular, and she overreacted to such a gaudy present.” He sighed. “It was lost in the explosion, which was disappointing because I'd also planned on having the thing hold the rest of her gifts, like some alternative to Santa Claus or something.”  
  


“Oh, right, the mishandling of PTSD. I remember you mentioning that. Well, I like the gift idea, so let's stick with that, and maybe you can give everyone a card to open first that says that you found them a new teammate?”

 

“That's brilliant. Totally going to do that. I can't wait to see their faces. Oh. Right. Watch out for the mistletoe. Jay has a protocol for that, if you don't kiss whoever gets under the mistletoe with you on the mouth, you have to do some sort of forfeit decided by everyone else. Natasha got tired of everyone wimping out last year.”  
  


“Seriously? Oh that'll be entertaining. Now... I'd like to know a little more about the PTSD thing, if you don't mind. I mean... my therapist said everyone deals differently. I dealt by staying reclusive and sneaking around, avoiding anyone I didn't want to see. How did you deal? I'm not sure I fully get how people can handle things differently.”

 

“Well... You've been over that PTSD is an anxiety disorder, right?” Bucky nodded. “Well... It gave you anxiety about being around people, I'd guess. I got anxiety about not being prepared enough. It was bad enough after Afghanistan when all I had to worry about was people having my weapons that shouldn't, so I was going after those as a form of control. But after the invasion... I saw a whole fleet when I went through that portal. I nearly died, I should've died from that.

 

“So my anxiety manifested again in a need for control, a need to be prepared. Which led to me building as many suits as I could, so that I could have a suit for every sort of situation I could think of. Sometimes at the worst times I'd think of something I hadn't thought of and would have to jot that down quickly. Then once I was out of that situation I'd have to actually make the suit. Aside from that, I had the normal nightmares and panic attacks that people don't believe celebrities can have. And while I didn't handle it well, neither did Pepper. She was doing the best she could, it was pretty admirable really, but it was taking its toll on her. And the worst part was she didn't get it. She just wanted me to stop obsessing, to stop being Iron Man. She didn't understand that Iron Man was born in the Afghanistan desert in some caves and that it became a part of me then. She didn't understand that the obsession with the suits was the only way I could cope. I thought that by destroying the suits and choosing her, we'd both be a peace. I was wrong. We ended up doing some individual counseling and some together, and came to the realization that there was some error of communication. She didn't like how I was driving myself into the ground and automatically sacrificing myself. I had just thought she didn't like Iron Man. And once I didn't have the suits and was actively keeping myself away from the one thing helping me cope, I got worse. While I did agree to the surgery on my heart, the surgeon refused to do it until I had the PTSD under control because the frequent panic attacks I used to get would've only made recovery harder.

 

“Now, I deal by doing the things that help me cope, but I've also learned to take a step back and consider if the idea I have is really a good one or just driven by hysteria. Not to mention not all coping methods are healthy. Which is good, because I have the feeling I'd rush into creating an AI and that's a recipe for disaster.”

 

“I... I see... and where were the Avengers during this?”

 

“Well, about a month before my surgery is when the helicarrier went down. But, you're asking about that Christmas, aren't you? They were off doing Shield missions some of the time, and enjoying the tower the rest of the time. They didn't really listen to me when I said I saw a fleet, that whoever sent them would keep coming after us, especially after decimating them like that. They had no patience for my anxiety, which is ironic because Steve clearly has PTSD too and copes by repeatedly destroying punching bags.”

 

“So you were on your own dealing with PTSD because they weren't listening?”  
  


“Eh, to be fair I was on the other side of the country. Kind of hard for them to help me at a distance. And back then we weren't much of a team yet, we'd all gone separate ways. I was surprised Steve decided to work with Shield, honestly. Didn't seem like something he'd do. Maybe he just wanted to feel useful.”

 

“Maybe. It ain't right that they didn't help you then, and aren't helping you now. They're probably not aware even. And that's just not fair to you,” Bucky complained. “You've been so supportive and helpful to me, and you didn't get that from your own team!”  
  


“I did have Rhodey, when I finally was willing to open up to him anyways, and Pepper once we did some counseling...”

 

“But you didn't really have them the way you've been helpin' me, did you?”

 

“...no. I didn't. Rhodey isn't used to seeing PTSD in civilians and some of my behavior wasn't actually that far off of other instances in my life, so he thought it was more of the same. Of course after some therapy of my own, I realized that I pretty much only act like that when I'm emotionally distressed and don't have a way to deal with it, but he didn't know that then, and I can't blame him for not realizing something I didn't even know about myself. And Pepper... She's not that great at the emotion thing either, my platypus is better at it than her even.”

 

Bucky was silent as he considered that information. “I think I understand.” He sighed. “But it still ain't fair you had to deal with it on your own, and that you're stubborn enough not to even try to look for help or acknowledge that something was wrong.”

 

“Yeah, I suppose you're right. But things are going better now, even if the team hasn't much changed in that regard.” Tony tried to cheer Bucky up. He resolved to never mention Bruce falling asleep while Tony tried to tell him what happened, on the advice of his therapist even, at least not to Bucky.

 

“I suppose. So, is that all for the gift giving then?”

 

“Yep, I think so. And your arm will be ready tomorrow, I just need to finalize how we're going to switch the two arms.”

 

“That works for me.”

 

.

 

The remaining days leading up to Christmas went off without a hitch. The two men giggled together like school girls as they planned things out. Including pranking everyone in the tower by making more Christmas goodies. They somehow managed to avoid any mishaps, mostly because Tony wasn't that bad at baking, so long as he didn't get too distracted. Bucky was pretty good himself, so between the two of them they made a lot of different things. And since no one asked Tony if he made the treats, he didn't even have to lie and say he didn't. The arguments that broke out as people tried to solve the mystery were hilarious. They didn't leave even a trace of their baking beyond the results as they cleaned up everything thoroughly afterwards; sometimes they even left the kitchen cleaner than when they started.

 

Bucky's arm was installed without a hitch once Tony figured out how it was connected. As a bonus, he also figured out how to lessen the pain for Bucky thanks to all the metal fused to the man. It took him a few days to adjust to the lack of pain, and the new arm. There were feelings again! His hand did exactly what he wanted it to! Once he adjusted, he went to town practicing the piano and starting to learn guitar.

 

It started to get harder and harder for him to hide out during the day. He just wanted to be doing things, and learning how to deal with the precision of his new arm. But he didn't want to let the rest of the Avengers know he was in the building. He found himself relieved that they had already set a reveal date; he wasn't sure of how long he could actually keep himself secret without it.

 

It wasn't until his next session with his therapist that he realized what happened was that the new arm gave him hope, and happiness. A happiness that made it easier to push aside his trauma and look to the future. That was were a lot of people got stuck when dealing with many different mental disorders. If they weren't happy, it was hard for them to find the strength to get past their failings.

 

So, he also decided as a result that he had to be as good to Tony as the genius was to him because he deserved to be happy too, and for all that they got along great, Tony still wasn't happy most of the time. Bucky dedicated the next few weeks to getting to know Tony better. Once he figured out more about what made Tony, well _Tony_ , he could move onto making the man happy for the rest of his life.

 

At that point, whenever they spent time together, they found themselves sitting closer and closer together while they did things, to the point where some part of their bodies were always touching, unless Tony was actually working. During that time, Bucky started playing with the bots more and more. He also sometimes practiced guitar while he was down there, giving an additional background sound to the normal music Tony had playing.

 

All to soon, it was Christmas. Bucky was sad to see his private time with Tony becoming more public, yet he was also quite happy to let everyone know he was around so he didn't have to sneak around to hang out with his friend. Tony, on the other hand, seemed to grow a little distant with each day that passed in that last week. Thankfully he did usually rise to the bait if Bucky kept acting like nothing was wrong.

 

It didn't take the man long to figure out that Tony was withdrawing because he thought Bucky revealing himself would lose him a friend. After all, Bruce even hung out with the Avengers more than Tony did, and was far more welcome too. Bucky was determined to prove him wrong because he did not deserve to lose a friend.

 

They gathered up the snacks Bucky would need in a basket along with a couple of bottles (some water, some pop). In another basket was a Starkphone, a Stark tablet and an extra light in case. As well as a couple of puzzle books he liked that were harder to do on the phone. Then they waited to see when everyone did their presents. First Bruce dropped his off around midnight. Then Steve and Sam before 1am even hit. They were followed an hour later by Clint and Natasha. Tony and Bucky decided to wait until 4am to lessen the likelihood he would have to go to the bathroom too early.

 

Then they finally snuck into the room. He settled down on the chair they'd picked out for this with the baskets at his feet. Tony then started setting up the cardboard carefully, with Bucky helping him keep them in place from the inside. Once the top was on, with the help of a ladder, Tony started wrapping the box, making a commentary all the while. There were enough holes for breathing, as they had done their research before embarking on this gift giving decision.

 

“All good?” Tony double checked as he taped ribbon to each side.

 

“Yep. I'll be fine. Go get some sleep. You're going to need it, I think.”

 

“Alright, have fun. Try to get some sleep too if you can.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. There's a reason I took a nap while you were deep in an inventing binge, now shoo.”

 

“Did you really just tell me to shoo?”  
  


“ _Tony_. Go to bed.”  
  


“Alright, alright, sheesh I'm going. And ha I probably look like a lunatic talking to a box, oh this is going to be epic!” Tony cackled, rubbing his hands together like a classic villain.

 

“Good _night_ , Tony.”

 

“Night Buckaroo!” He was still cackling as he left the room.

 

.

 

Tony was bouncing in excitement at 10am, the time everyone had agreed on for the gift exchange. The plan was to eat brunch while opening presents. He got some odd looks for his behavior, but no one asked him why he was acting like a child. Which was probably for the best because he would have just given another villain worthy cackle and scared them off.

 

Finally though, it was time. They sat down with their plates of food and started opening gifts. Tony ate most of his plate while opening the small pile of presents, there wasn't much for him, and it seemed like the team didn't know what he liked. Which was fine, he didn't care that much. Really. Besides he had good gifts from Pepper and Rhodey and Happy and possibly even Bucky to look forward to later

 

Then everyone finally got to their letters, and he abandoned his last present (from Clint) to pay attention. Finally, someone broke the silence.

 

“Uh, Stark? How exactly did you get us a new teammate?” Sam Wilson asked tentatively, glancing around as if said new teammate would just jump out suddenly.

  
“I said I found you one, and I'm not explaining that yet,” Tony corrected, vibrating in place because Steve was cautiously approaching the giant present everyone had been ignoring. 'TO STEVE FROM TONY' was written across one side in huge letters.

 

He cautiously started with the ribbon then the wrapping paper. He stared at the cardboard box underneath. “Um, how do you expect me to open this?”  
  
“Just rip it apart, they're just separate pieces of cardboard I taped together last night anyways,” Tony replied dismissively, waving a hand.

 

Steve did so. “It's about time you got to this, punk.” Bucky told him. “Merry Christmas.”

 

Steve fell back on the floor, eyes wide with shock. His mouth moved, but no sound came out. Bucky stood up from the chair and stretched. He pushed the baskets aside and glanced around before stealing Tony's plate.

 

“I've been here a few months, didn't want anyone to know. I'd actually wanted to be arrested, but this idiot over here,” he nudged Tony, “decided to help me out instead. Going to be dealing with some legal stuff for a while about coming back from the dead and being under Hydra's control, but meh. Tony's been working on that for a while.”

 

“Of course I have,” Tony grinned at him. “No matter your crimes, you were brainwashed and can't be held responsible after all.”

 

“So you say.” Bucky finished off Tony's food and then looked around. “Is there anymore food? I'm still hungry.”  
  
“Of course you are, damn super soldier appetites. Yes, there's still more in the kitchen, I made sure of it Buckaroo.”  
  


“Ha! Pay up, Natasha,” Clint poked his partner. “I was right!” he crowed victoriously.

 

“Right about what?” Bruce asked nervously, pulling his gaze away from Bucky.

 

“Tony was helping Bucky all along, and not just letting Bucky hide here to be petty with Steve.” He turned to Tony. “Knew he was here months ago, I crawl through the vents all the time, and there were other hints, even if you two were very good at keeping it secret.”

 

“Of course you two had a bet,” Tony just sighed.

 

“Wait, so this whole time, Steve and I have been on a wild goose chase looking for you?” Sam asked incredulously. “And you've been living the high life, stealing food and watching everyone get into arguments over who ate the last cookie?”

 

“Well, I didn't exactly want to be found and this was the best place not to be found in. Not that I'd want to see your ugly face all the time.” Bucky went into the kitchen to load up his place.

 

“Are you ready to deal with this?” Natasha questioned Tony with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Yep. He has a therapist, been seeing that guy for a couple of months now, and my legal team has been briefed and ready to go with presenting his case. There's no way he's not going to be a free man once the public gets wind of this.”

 

“And this wasn't to get back at Steve?”

 

“Thought never crossed my mind...” He hesitated, then lowered his voice as he leaned in closer to her. “You didn't see him the night he arrived, he was in horrible condition and miserable. He confessed to remembering killing my parents and was prepared to die right there. He was like a kicked puppy. I couldn't just not do something.”

 

She gave him a confused look but nodded anyways.

 

Bucky came back with a plate stacked with food. “So, no music? At all? Come on, we should have some music going.”

 

“Eh maybe later, got some presents to finish opening.” Tony grabbed his last present. He ripped the paper off enthusiastically and paused. It was a stack of music books for piano. “Well, I suppose Legolas had to figure it out eventually with his spying habits,” he sighed. He flipped through them. One was a Disney book. One was for Christmas music. Tony hesitated, then set the books down. “Everyone else done?”

 

He didn't really take in the answers, he was too busy watching Bucky. He just wanted to make sure the other man was handling the social situation well. He knew how nervous he was, and the highest amount of people in one room he had been exposed to up to this point was at two. And now there were seven.

 

Bucky seemed tenser than normal, but he was keeping an air of confidence about him. So he looked okay, at least. There were no signs of distress, and he was acting and teasing as normal.

 

“So, Tony,” he drawled. “Since everyone is done with their presents, maybe you should go play some Christmas music for them.”

 

Tony blinked in surprise. “I don't know... I don't usually play in front of people...”

 

“Aw, please, Tony? I haven't heard you with any Christmas music yet.”

 

“...ugh fine. Just put away those puppy eyes, they look wrong on a man your age.”

  
“Yay!” Bucky cheered, jumping up a little, like a little kid. At least he didn't clap. “To the music room!”

 

Tony rolled his eyes and followed him. The remaining Avengers exchanged confused looks. Mostly. Clint looked gleeful while Natasha was eyeing him in annoyance; he hadn't told her that Tony played. Just that there was a music room. There was no way he hadn't caught the genius in there at some point while spying. Clint led the way to follow, after Sam and Bruce dragged Steve up. The man was still in shock at seeing his best friend in the Tower.

 

They arrived at the music room in time to see Tony and Bucky both looking at each other in the doorway. There was mistletoe hanging over their heads. They both sighed at the reminder from Jarvis about having to do a forfeit if they did not actually kiss. Both had pink cheeks as they leaned in for a kiss. A kiss that lingered for longer than necessary, and nearly had Clint cackling with glee as he shot Nat a look. She owed him more money.

 

“WH-” Steve was cut off by both Sam and Thor covering his mouth so as to keep him from ruining the moment.

 

Once Tony and Bucky finally pulled apart, breathing heavily and just staring at each other, Natasha moved forward and pushed them into the the room before everyone else entered one by one, careful not to get caught under the mistletoe with another person.

 

Tony and Bucky had pink cheeks and were carefully not looking at each other or anyone else now that the moment was over. Then Tony got over his embarrassment and leaned over to Bucky. “I don't mind if you don't,” he whispered. “I'm just not good at the relationship thing.”

  
“I've had no dates since 1941 when I was drafted. Pretty sure I'm worse off than you,” Bucky drawled. “But...” He shot a look at the other Avengers. They were watching or pretending not to watch them. “We have an audience so we can work things out later.”

 

“Oh, right.” Tony stepped away and to the piano.

 

He stretched slowly before he settled at the bench and started playing rapid scales to warm up. Then he stopped and pulled out the Christmas music piano book and started with a simple Christmas song that he sung along to quietly. As he moved through the different songs, he grew more and more confident, forgetting his audience.

 

Bucky had gotten himself the same Christmas music book for guitar and planned to follow along with the guitar. He was glad that Jarvis had clued him in. He tuned the guitar while Tony was warming up and fingered the notes as he followed along, only occasionally actually playing. He was not nearly so confident as Tony was. Mostly because he didn't have the experience Tony did with playing music.

 

A couple of simple classics were played first. After playing a brisk version of Sleigh Bells without singing because the song was fairly complex, Tony twisted around to look at the Avengers. “You know you could sing along. It is Christmas after all. And these songs are classic.”

  
Clint shrugged and immediately joined in when Tony started a rendition of Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. The others were initially still too surprised by his skill to join in at first, but by the end everyone but Thor and Steve, neither of whom knew the song well, had joined in.

 

The next song was more slowly paced. “Oh Holy night, the stars are brightly shiiiining,” Tony sang, reflecting that this was not where he'd expected to be after last Christmas. He had Bucky now as one of his close friends, and maybe they were going to be more than friends. They'd have to discuss that first, of course. He was surprisingly happy despite all that had happened.

 

Bucky had already taught himself most of the chords for this song. It was one of his favorites. He didn't really care that it was technically a Christian song. He was such a beautiful song to listen to. He'd wanted to be able to at least capture some of that. So, he played and sung along as well, reflecting that a year ago he had still been in cryo. And after he was finally out of cryo, he never would've expected to be here. Especially not after sorting out his head enough to recognize that he had committed several crimes and should turn himself in. Yet, here he was, getting ready to go public with his identity and let the Stark lawyers help him avoid jail time.

 

“Oh night, oh night divine...”

 


End file.
